I want to thank everyone for their comments to yesterday's post. Just so you know, I'm not planning on airing any deep, dark secrets. The posts I'm thinking of are nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, one of them is about--I'll bet you'll never guess--football. I guess I'm just so used to hiding my feelings it is awkward to me to be talking about them.
Buck, I do have a blog like that. I post it under a pseudonym and have never mentioned it anywhere, until now. It is where I post some of the more disturbing memories from my childhood. Like Windsornot said, writing is cathartic, so when these memories get me in their grip, I post them there. It helps.
So that's it. If you were looking for some skeletons to come out of my closet, sorry. It ain't going to happen.
I want to be able to write well. I don't want to just relate facts. I want to paint pictures with my words. Everything I've ever heard or read about writing says that to do that, I must be able to write from my heart. That is not something that comes easy to me. Some of my longtime readers may have caught the hint here and there that I did not have an idyllic childhood. Expressing thoughts, feelings, and desires more often than not earned me scorn, derision, and ridicule. I learned very quickly to squelch all expression of emotion, and eventually the emotion itself. Learning to feel emotion again has been a long and difficult road for me. Expressing emotion is the next step.
That is a step that it is time for me to take.
Just so this post is not all gloom and doom, here is a virtual Christmas card for you:
May the blessings of the Holiday season be yours.
4 comments:
I did not think we would get deep dark secrets, but sometimes just our views and everyday life can be secret to our readers. There are things that I do not write about - nothing deep and secret, but I just do not share everything. So I know what you are saying. I think:)
You're not the only one with a second pseudonymous blog. - Well of course I use a pseudonym on my first blog too, but my family knows about it, and there's no real attempt to hide my identity. My second blog, though, has no connection at all to anything else I do on-line.
So many children end up learning it's not safe to let themselves feel emotion. I suspect I'll struggle with expressing emotion the rest of my life, because I learned so early that to be emotional was to be vulnerable.
Expressing emotion is the next step.
That is a step that it is time for me to take.
BIG step, that. I think I understand what you're saying here, Becky, the key word being "think." My understanding is based upon what you said before my quoted bits, and further upon the premise that I think we have had similar childhood experiences...except my issues were with a step-father. I've drawn my personal line at relating those stories, mainly because it's not good form to speak ill of the dead...especially dead relatives.
Good luck with this. You have a very supportive forum here, based upon what I see on a daily basis.
Lou, I agree. There are certain things that should not be shared in a blog. There are also things I hesitate to post because I seem to think so differently than the rest of the world thinks. My views don't always go over well with the general population.
Cindy, I think we learned the same lesson: to be emotional is to be vulnerable. I think that is true of everyone, but most people learn that they can trust certain people with their vulnerability. Others of us were not given that choice, so we learned not to trust anyone.
Buck, thank you for supporting me. As my only male reader, I value your thoughts and opinions, because you give me a unique perspective--a masculine point of view. That carries a lot of weight with me.
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