Still Single

After re-reading yesterday's post, I hope I didn't come off as sounding too whiny. As I said, most of the time I'm OK with being single. Content, even.

And really, when you get right down to it, the fact that I am still single is my own doing. I mean, I could be married to this guy, or this guy, or this one, or maybe even this one.

And there are more. If I wanted to, I could probably hook up with the one I mentally refer to as my stalker. He's been asking me out for --what, 12 years now? Or there's the mooch--who at 43 years of age has never supported himself, and even now is sponging off of his single mom sister. Or how about the one who, though in his mid 20's, still lived at home, had a curfew, and still got spanked by his mama. (Seriously. I thought he was joking at first, but he said no, she really still spanked him. I asked him why he didn't move out on his own, and he said he wasn't allowed to. I'm not kidding.)

Then there was Keith, who willing to foot the bill for a lawyer to get my divorced pushed through the court so he could marry me. Keith, who had been married and divorced three times, couldn't carry on an intelligent conversation, always looked dirty, and had already lost all of his teeth. And he was only 29 years old.

I'd meant to tell you about my one and only semi-date with Keith yesterday as my Valentine's Day post, but I decided against it. It was too awful for words. Let me just say, guys, that leaving a woman's baby sitting in a diaper full of poop screaming his head off while you park to watch people fishing is not the way to win her heart.

And brush your teeth.