Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Men These Days

Dear Facebook, 

No, as a matter of fact I am not have any trouble meeting young black men, or old white men, or firefighters, cowboys, soldiers, or any other kind of men, but thank you for asking.

I don't really date much any more.  OK, I don't really date at all any more, but let me tell you, things sure have changed since I was young.  Men no longer pursue women like they used to.  There is no courting, no attempts to win a girl's heart, no treating you like you're a priceless treasure. 

No, these days men just get up in your face and are all like, "Here I am, love me!"  I guess you're supposed to love them for just showing up. 

Sorry, Bubba.  Real life doesn't hand out participation trophies. 

I've actually had men I barely know just walk up to me an announce that they are coming home with me.  More than one, and no, not a one of them has ever seen the inside of my house.   But that's not the point.  There was no attempt to seduce me.  No attempt to woo me, or to make me feel special.  They acted like they were doing me a favor by bestowing their attention on me.

I've had others-- again, men I barely know-- walk up seemingly out of the blue and demand that I buy them stuff.  Why?  To prove to them where my heart was.  To prove that I loved them.  But what had they done to win my heart in the first place?  What had they done to win my love? 

A couple of years ago, I had coworker who claimed to love me so much.  He said he was going to bring me something for my birthday.  And do you know what that something was?  He gave me a list of things he wanted me to buy him from the lumber yard.  Yes, that was my gift.  The chance to prove I loved him by buying him a $100 worth of lumber.  That was what I got for my birthday that year.

Seriously. 

What gets me is that he couldn't understand why I wadded that list up and threw it back into his face.  He couldn't figure out why I got so mad about it. 

Needless to say, that was the end of that. 

On the off chance that you do find someone you can stand longer than a week or two, right away, he's wanting to move in with you, so you can prove your love supporting him completely.  If you are stupid enough to let one move in with you, he's going to quit his job --if he even has one-- prop his feet up in front of the TV and expect you to fix him a snack after you've spent 10 hours working in a factory to support his lazy bum. 

Yeah, that's not going to happen. 

Back in the mid 90s, when I still thought I wanted to maybe someday get married again, I read a book called For Women Only, by Shauti Feldhan.  In this book, the author had surveyed thousands of men to find out what they really feel and think. 

There is a chapter all about how men feel this tremendous burden to provide for their women.  Frankly, I don't know where she found these men, but she sure didn't survey any of the ones I've ever known.  Every man I've gone out with in the last 25 years-- and yes, that includes the one I married-- has expected me to completely bear the financial burden of the relationship.  This is why none of my relationships ever lasted long enough to make the front page of the gossip column. 

And it's not just the ones I've gone out with.  Several years ago, there was a man who worked at the plant.  I don't remember his name.  I don't know if I ever knew his name.  He quit not long after I started.  Anyway, I was in the break room one day and he was in there, too.  I overheard him complaining about his wife, and how she wasn't making enough money.  He said he was going to give her an ultimatum to either get a better paying job or he was going to leave her.  I don't know what happened in that situation, but I hope she did divorce him.  That ain't no kind of man.  He sure didn't feel the burden of supporting her, that's for sure. 

To me, the saddest part of it all is that young women and girls are growing up believing that this kind of behavior from men is normal and right.  They have no idea what a real man is supposed to be.  They have no idea what a real man is supposed to be or how he should treat them. 

They have no idea that a real man should be a protector and a provider, and he should treat them like a princess.  They have no idea that he should at least think they are worth his putting in a little effort to win their hearts.  I don't want to go into they whys and wearwithalls, but that's the way it is these days.  These girls don't know how precious they are, so they subjugate themselves to these whiny, spoiled, selfish overgrown babies who want mommies, not wives. 

People often tell me that I'm too picky when it comes to men.  That I should lower my standards, and just take whatever I can get.  But you know what? I'm not going to do that.  I'm not going to settle for a man who treats me like dirt just so I can have a man in my life. 

Somewhere out there is a knight in battle tested armor searching for his princess.

Searching for me. 

Someday he will find me.  But if he doesn't, if I'm one of the ones God has called to be single, I'm OK with that, too. 

Because I've learned to be content with my life.  And I've learned that I am the daughter of the Most High God, and he wants the absolute best for me. 


If that includes a man in my life, or if it doesn't, I will continue to trust his plan for my life. 

On Christ the solid rock I'll stand.

All other ground is sinking sand.

All other ground is sinking sand.   

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