Dear Mr. O

I have noticed your increased attentions toward me. Some of our co-workers tell me that you are attempting to flirt with me. I must say, you have some moves that frankly, I haven't seen since I was in first grade. Since you seem to be stuck at 7 years of age, let me give you some tips on how to deal with adult women.

First, just because I glance up as you whiz past me on your forklift at speeds that would make the late great Dale Earnheart proud, that doesn't mean I am "giving you the come-on look." It's a natural reaction when someone is on the verge of being run over. By the same token, your staring at me for the entire length of the aisle that runs next to my machine doesn't warm the cockles of my heart.

Secondly, if I am walking down the aisle, I am going to be looking in the direction I am headed. If you happen to cross the aisle in front of me, that doesn't mean I am looking at you. There is no need to give me the cutesy single-index finger wave.

Thirdly, playing "Shave and a Haircut" on your forklift horn was mildly amusing--if somewhat juvenile--the first time. By the 4,387th time, it is just plain annoying.

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. If that is the case, then mockery is the sincerest form of insult. You should learn the difference. Watching you mock me day after day does not make me feel flattered.

Finally, being obnoxious to Prassad will not impress me. You see, I rather like Prassad, and your attempts to make yourself look better in my eyes by belittling him--well, it's going to backfire. Big time.

I hope that you will take these tips to heart. Unfortunately, for you to date someone with your own level of maturity is just not legal. Therefore, you must learn to deal with adults in an adult fashion. Good luck in your efforts to find a wife. I wish you all the best.

Have a nice day.