Yet it will never be the same again. Just as I can never go back to being a civilian again, I can never not be a black belt again. It is a part of me now, just as my mind and soul are a part of me. Even if I were to start a new style as a white belt, this black belt will still be a part of me. I can't unlearn what I now know. I can't undo what is done.
I didn't want to go back to work this morning. I didn't want to get back into the grind of the same old dullness. I didn't want this weekend to end.
I think that's part of the test.
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I know many of you are anxious to hear about my test, but how does one reduce such a day to mere words? How does one express the depth of such a day on a simple page? How does one convey the meaning of such an event to those who haven't experienced it?
I don't know, but I'll do my best.
Friday evening, the rest of the ladies got in.
Carole Scala, Linde Belt, Sherry Lang, and Sunshine Brake.
Linde actually got in first, and tried to call me on my cell phone. Somehow, though, my phone had accidentally gotten set to forward all my calls to my home phone. So she was unable to get me. She kept getting my answering machine. I was rather perturbed, because she called about 10 minutes after Carole and I left to go to the dojo to work out. We were waiting and waiting for Linde to call, and she was calling and calling and couldn't get up with us. We finally decided to go back home and get something to eat, and when we got there, there were 8 messages on my machine from Linde.
We went on up to the hotel after eating a quick bite, and hadn't been there long when in walks Sherry and Sunshine. There were squeals and hugs--the official Isshinryu Women greeting--all around. Now, Sherry totally took me by surprise. Always on the list she describes herself as a middle aged, short, chubby woman. I'd been imagining someone with wrinkles and gray hair, and about as wide as she is tall....
NOT SO! She is a knockout who looks about half her age, and there is not a chubby spot on her body! She has the brightest smile and the most winning personality. I liked her at once.
Sunshine was exactly like I'd expected her to look...but that's cheating since I've seen enough pictures of her to know what she looks like. I can't tell you how much I appreciated her coming all this way to support someone she'd never even met. Her willing spirit comforted me before, and during the test. Her gift of the gab kept me awake on the drive back. And her clever way of saying things...
Carole asked them how long the drive from Alabama to Grenada was. Sunshine replied, "About 14 conversations long!"
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Saturday morning dawned clear and sunny. Carole and I went to the hotel to pick up the other ladies, and the five of us piled into my Jimmy and hit the road. Some of them offered to drive, but I said, "no, I'll drive since I know where I'm going." Wonderful conversation was had, with Linde sharing some of her vast knowledge of the people involved in Isshinryu. It is amazing how much information she has and how much she knows. The car ride was definitely too short.
We got a late start, so I drove a bit faster than I normally would. I was getting kind of nervous about getting there on time, but we made it. Sensei told us to get to the dojo around 9ish, and we pulled in about 9:15. Sensei got there not long after I did. James had been there since around 8ish, since his parents insisted on leaving Grenada at 6.
Joshua and his girlfriend, Tom and his wife, and Twinkie also came to support us. I knew Josh and Tom were going to be there, but Twinkie was a total surprise. I'm glad he was there.
By the time the test started it was pretty hot. And I do mean HOT. Inside the dojo it was even hotter. Picture this: no air conditioning, windows that won't open, no circulation except for two big fans. That's all the cooling you get. Add to that a heat index of well over 100 degrees--outside. Then imagine us going out into that heat to cool off. That's about how hot it was in the dojo. About halfway through the test, I happened to glance down and saw each of the candidates standing in a literal puddle of his own sweat.
Finally the test started. I was really surprised that they skipped basics and stances. I'm guessing they did that in the interest of time. There were 5 of us testing, James and I testing for shodan, Kevin Hood from Mr Christensen's dojo also testing for shodan, a 14 year old boy testing for Jr. shodan, and Lisa Wanker testing for ni-dan.
The first thing we did was two-man basics. We went through that twice. I got to do them with James, which was good since we'd practiced them together for so long.
After that, we lined up and did kata one at a time. We each did seisan, seiunchin, and then niahanchi. Then Mr. Dreher said to do wansu, chinto, and kusanku back to back to show how we pace ourselves. Either way, it was just me out there by myself in front of the board. I was so nervous. I felt like my kata were really weak because my legs were shaking so much from nerves. This was the first time I'd ever performed kata in front of people I didn't know, and certainly the first time I performed kata in front of other black belts. But I made it through them, and didn't forget to kiai.
At this time, I must take time to confess that I'd completely misjudged the board members. I'd always had a vision of them sitting like vultures or something waiting to pounce on the tiniest mistake. Quite the opposite. They were very supportive and very helpful, taking the time to encourage us, correct us, and even to remind us to bend our knees and breathe. I really felt like they wanted us to do well. They let Kevin do his kusanku kata three times so that he could get it right. The board members were Mr. Larry Dreher, Mr. Philip Worbington, Mr. Jimmy Christensen, Mr. James Finn, and one other man whose name I don't remember. Mr. Worbington and Mr. Dreher both came up and hugged me after the test.
After finishing the other kata, it was time for sanchin. I was pretty worried about sanchin kata, because sensei has never tested me on it. Not only that, the torn ligaments in my left ankle have been giving me trouble lately, and it's really hard for me to get my stance set. Now, for those of you who don't know, the way they test sanchin is to...well...to beat on you while you are performing it. I was tested by Mr. Worbington and Mr. Christensen--both big men. They didn't cut me any slack either. As soon as I took the first step, they started in on me. Mr. Dreher kept hollering, "Stance, stance!" and I know I couldn't get my stance set. That was my weak side stance--the one involving my injured ankle. Once I was able to step forward again, I seemed to settle down and was able to finish the kata without too much trouble. Mr. Dreher let me do the kata again without being tested, I guess so they could see that I really knew how to do it. He told me to do the best kata I'd ever done, and I tried to. It looked much better that time. I was a bit embarrassed, though the first time. I feel like sensei should have prepared me better for that.
More tomorrow...
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