Tuesday, May 05, 2015

Restless

I was dreaming again last night.  I don't remember what it was about, I just know that I woke up afraid.  Very afraid.

This is one of those rare few times I wish I had a man in the house with me.  Someone strong, capable, who would roll over, put his arms around me and say, "Go back to sleep.  I'll take care of you."  And then I could sleep, knowing I was safe.  Alas, there is no man.  There is only me, a squishy teddy bear, and a dog who is afraid of his own farts. 



Jesse says, "Who?  Me?"  

That reminds me.  Some 22 years ago, I was on my honeymoon with the ex.  We had rented a cabin on the beach down in Texas, and that night, a fearful storm blew through.  We were on Galveston Island when it hit.  I told the ex, "We'd better head back before it gets too bad", so we went back to the mainland where our cabin was.  Good thing, too.  Ours was the last ferry they let cross the bay, because the water had gotten too rough.  Honestly, I've ridden those ferries hundreds of times, and I'd never seen one pitch and roll like that one did. 

Later that night, it got really, really bad, that storm did.  I woke up sometime in the darkness, scared.  I snuggled up to the ex, wanting -- needing-- to feel safe, and he yelled at me.

"Get back on your own side of the bed!  I can't sleep with you all over me like that!"

I scooted back to my side, and lay there with the wind howling and the cabin shaking, feeling as alone as I ever had.   I knew then that I'd be on my own, still, even with a husband.  A few months later, along came Angie and took my husband away from me, and I thank God for her every day.  I've told her that, too.  She got me out of what could have ended up being a very, very bad situation. 

But I didn't mean to get into all that.

If you remember a few weeks ago, I told you I was going to have to buy myself a new house.  I'm thinking this might be contributing to my nightmares, and my restless feeling during the day.  Just the uncertainty of the future.

In preparation for the move, I got out after work and dug up some of my daffodil bulbs.



The ones in my flower beds are still there, but these were out in the yard, and James was anxious to mow.   Since they were pretty well wilted, I went ahead and got them up.  I'd googled how to store bulbs, and came up with several different things.  Some sites said to knock the dirt off, others said leave the dirt.  Some said store them in a mesh bag, other said in a box of peat or sand.  Some said put them into the refrigerator....but one thing all of them said was to spread the bulbs out and let them dry thoroughly.  That is what I did, using some of my seedling trays to spread them in.


Yes, that is in my kitchen, and yes, I'm aware that if a husband had done that, I'd chew him out.  But there is no husband, and it was me that did it, so there it is.  I later moved them into the snake room so they wouldn't be disturbed.  And I cleaned up the mess I'd made, which a husband wouldn't have done.  That is why they get yelled at.

Speaking of house hunting, I'm finding some that I do like.  They are all in town, though.  Come to think about it, that may be for the best, if I'm going to be on my own.  I'll need good neighbors, instead of being out in the middle of nowhere by myself.  There is one house I really, really like.  I'm just not sure I can afford it. 

There are others that I like, just not as well, but don't cost as much.  It's a matter of deciding what I like, versus what I can afford.  One of these days, I'm going to screen shot some of them for you.  But not tonight. 

There is also the fact that I'm going to have to buy a new vehicle sometime very soon, too.  Sigh, is it any wonder I'm not sleeping? 

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