Monday, February 17, 2014

Married Men

*Parental info:  this post will contain some blunt and slightly crude, but not vulgar, language.  Proceed with caution if you have young children hanging over your shoulder.

I swear if I have one more married man try to make me his little something on the side, I'm going to go bat poop crazy.  I'm not kidding.  I'm sick of it.

Case in point:  two conversations I had at work today.

Conversation #1:

Married Man #1:  I think you're trying to seduce me.

Me:  Why the heck would I do that?  You've got a woman.

Married Man #1:  Well, everybody's got a woman, but you have to have one or two on the side, too. 

And Conversation #2:

Married Man #2:  We're going to go out in the woods and take our clothes off.

Me:  I'm not.

MM#2:  Yes you are.

Me:  No, I'm not.

MM#2:  But I love you.

Me:  No, you don't.

MM#2:  Yes, I do.  I love you.

Me:  If you loved me, you'd respect me.

MM#2:  I do respect you.

Me:  No, you don't.  If you respected me, you wouldn't be trying to make me your whore. 

MM#2:  But you won't be a whore, because we're tight.

Me:  I will be a whore because you're married. 

MM#2:  No, no, no, it's not like that. 

Me:  It's exactly like that.

MM#2:  Just think about it.

Me:  I have thought about it, and the answer is still no.  It's not going to happen.

And that was just today.  In the past, I've had MM #3 tell me that everybody needs a spare tire, and MM#4 actually said there wasn't anything wrong with cheating on his wife, and MM#5 actually showed up at my house, marched his behind into my living room and asked where the bedroom was.  MM#6 told me he was no longer married (he was, though), and MM#7 actually told me his wife said it was OK (like I'm going to believe that).  And I could go on.  

So, what's up with that?  Is it just me, or do the rest of you have to go through this kind of thing day after day?  And why me?  I mean, I'm 49 years old, slightly pudgy, and my boobs aren't that big. Do I look so desperate for a man that I would debase myself that way?

I'll admit that there are a lot of the social subtleties that I don't understand, and I totally don't get this. 

All it does is solidify my desire to eschew humanity and become a hermit.

*Please don't tell me to report it to HR.  Our HR dept isn't worth a flip.  If they were, I could probably get half the men in that plant fired. 

1 comment:

StephieKnits said...

Sarcasm alert! I thought you lived in Mississippi not Utah.


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