Monday, March 17, 2014

Not So Fast

I had a dream once.  There was a time in my life when I thought I'd become a Crazy Cat Lady.  Lots of people are Crazy Cat Ladies, though.  There's nothing wrong with it.  But I wanted to be different.  I wanted to be unique.

I could become a Crazy Bunny Lady. 

More rare than the Crazy Cat Lady, but still, they're out there.

Then, I had an inspiration.  I would become the Crazy Kraken Lady.  The world's first Crazy Kraken Lady.  I would be unique.    I was so excited.  I started making my plans to dig up my back yard to make my Kraken pool.

Until last night, that is.  I watched a show on Animal Planet all about squid.   More specifically, about squid attacking people.

See, there was this fishing boat down in New Zealand, and they were fishing for marlin. Well, they hooked one, but some squid got ahold of it.  By the time the fishermen reeled it in, those squid had stripped that marlin to the bone.  Seriously.  There wasn't anything left but a head, a spine, and some ribs and just enough meat to hold them together. 

Then there was this diver, and he got attacked by a group of squid, and they were trying to eat him. 

To eat him!!

They were biting him through his wetsuit, and they grabbed hold of him and started dragging him down into deep water.  They dragged him down so fast, his eardrums ruptured from the sudden change in pressure.  The diver managed to get away, but in addition to the burst eardrums, he had a dislocated shoulder and a broken wrist, along with about a gajillion bites.

And those were Humboldt squid.  They only get around 4 to 5 feet long.

There are also Giant Squid, which get to about 16 feet long, and the Collosal Squid-- which is most likely the one the Kraken myth is based on.  They have been known to reach in excess of 33 feet long, with estimates of up to 46 feet long.

That is Collosal.

On the show, they were talking about a yacht that was sailing around out on the ocean.  All of the sudden, the yacht stopped.  The people on board said it felt like they had run aground.  But when they ran to look into the water, what they saw was a squid. 

A squid.  It had stopped a boat.  It had grabbed the boat and brought it to a dead stop.  Dang. 

Suddenly, the idea of being the Crazy Kraken Lady didn't seem so appealing after all.  I'm going to have to re-think that dream.

Maybe I'll become the Crazy Platypus Lady instead.

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