My Heart Is Breaking Again

I don't know where to start.  I don't even know how to start.  You'd think I'd be excited about getting this great big box, 

but it was bitter sweet.  I think more bitter than sweet.  You see, what was inside that great big box was yarn.  Lots of yarn.  Sue's yarn. 

My non-biological sister Sue, who left us back in April.  Her family has begun going through her things, and that includes her yarn.  

A lot of this is unlabeled, and I wonder if any of it is her hand spun.  Yes, she was a spinner -- and an artist, and a musician, and a kind and extremely generous soul.  Everything I wish I could be in life.  

There is store bought yarn as well.  Expensive store bought yarn...

Worsted weight, sock weight, 

and DK weight.   I wonder what she had in mind for this.  It isn't really enough for a sweater.  Or maybe it is.  It's been so long since I've knit a sweater, I have no idea how much yarn it takes. 

This gradient set will make a cool scarf, or lace stole.  I must search for patterns.  

There were spindles, as well.  I chose these two.  They spoke to me.  They're top whorl spindles, which I've never used.  I'll have to look up some videos to see how to do it.  

And a butt load of needles, of all sizes and types.  

I really do need to get back to knitting more than just charity hats.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I love doing the hats, and I love knowing someone who needs to know someone cares is wearing one of my hats.  But it's been so long since I've knit anything else.

Maybe with these shorter shifts, I can get back to enjoying knitting again.

Finally, tucked safely in to the middle of all that yarn was the little alpaca I bought for Sue at last year's Fiber Fun In The 'Sip.  It's the only thing I specifically requested to get back.  

It's now sitting on my keyboard, where I can remember my non-biological sister every time I play.  Not that I'd ever forget her, but you know what I mean. 

Afterwards, I sat for a moment, holding some of the yarn in my lap, in my arms, as if I were holding my dear, dear friend.  

And I cried.

Not for her.  Never for her, because I know where she is.  She is finally free of pain.  Finally free of the many illnesses that have plagued her for so long.  She is finally whole again. 

But I miss her.

Oh, how I miss her...