Going To Choke Someone

The strangest thing happened when I got home from work.  I pulled into my driveway and noticed one of those flyer looking things hanging on my front doorknob.  I first thought it was a political thing, it being almost election time and all.  

When I walked over to pull it off, I saw it was from the internet company, Sparklight.  They'd been by to do a courtesy check of my signal and all.  I thought it was weird, but didn't really think to much of it.  Maybe they'd seen me poking around their website and all.  I don't know.  It got even weirder when a Sparklight truck backed into my driveway, and a man got out.  

I asked the man, "What's going on?"  

He replied, "Are you ready to get some internet?" 

"Um, I already have internet," I said.  "I do need a new router, though.  You wouldn't happen to have one of those in your truck, would you? "  He just laughed at that.  Then he asked if this was [my address] and called a name that wasn't mine.  I told him that was the right address, but I'm not that person.  He showed me the work order on his phone, and I said, "Yep, that's this address, but that isn't me."  He apologized and got back into the truck.  I could see him making a phone call, and when I left to go to the dentist a few minutes later, I saw him up the road hooking up something to another house, so apparently, they'd put the wrong address into the work order.  

No biggie, but I thought it was pretty funny, considering the timing of it all. 

By the way, the dentist appointment went pretty well.  All they did was make the impressions of my mouth so they could start my new partial.  The only bad part was she overfilled the top tray, and the plastic stuff ran down the back of my throat and I spent that whole time gagging.  That part was not fun at all. 

Speaking of gagging, we're having our health screenings for insurance this week at work.  One of my coworkers, whom I'll refer to as Betty did hers Monday morning.  The way it works is, you have to either pass or show improvement on three out of five metrics -- those being waist circumference/BMI, blood pressure, blood sugar, HDL cholesterol, and triglycerides-- to avoid paying the higher premiums for the next year.  It's technically suppose to be private, but we all talk about them with each other anyway. 

So, Betty came out from doing her screening Monday telling us she had passed every metric except her waist measurement, so she had passed.  Now, it really isn't a pass/fail thing, but that's just what we say when we meet enough metrics to avoid the surcharge. 

Today, Betty called me over, telling me she'd gotten an e-mail and she didn't know what it meant.  She said the e-mail said Congratulations, you have completed your health screening.  Did that mean she passed?  She told me she didn't know if she should cancel her doctor appointment or not. Did mine say that?  What did mine say?  Did mine say Congratulations?  I told her I didn't remember, so she asked me to come over and look at hers.  She wasn't sure if she should go to the doctor or call and cancel her appointment?  What did it all mean?????

My first thought was, she knew she had passed four of the five metrics Monday, so why did she even make a doctor appointment in the first place?  You'd be proud of me, though.  I kept my mouth shut.  

She kept on asking if this meant she'd passed, and should she cancel her doctor appointment, and worried and fretted and stewed until I was ready to Gibbs Slap her.  I finally told her, "[HR person] is right in there where they're doing the screenings.  You could go ask her.'

Sometime later, Betty came back to me and asked what the website was.  She meant the one where they upload our screening results. 

"I don't know,"  I replied.  "I just click on the link in the e-mail."  

"Oh, I didn't even think about that," Betty said, telling me her daughter usually takes care of the technical stuff for her.  She pulled up the e-mail, and I showed her where to click and how to find the results of her screening on the website.  

"Does this mean I passed?" she said, indicating all the green checkmarks beside the metrics. "[HR person] said I passed, but I just wanted to be sure.  Does this mean I passed?"  I reassured her yet again that she had indeed passed and would not have to pay the higher premium.

Then I walked back to my brazing stand and told my friend, "If Betty worries me one more time about that stupid screening, I swear I'm going to choke her!"  Not really, but I sure felt like it!

And finally, someone has the Southern seasons right!

And see the forecast for Tuesday and Wednesday?    

He's not wrong.