Beautiful People

Sometimes, I look at those women--

You know the ones I'm talking about, those beautiful women with their straight white teeth, hair that is never out of place, fashionable clothes, and perfectly manicured nails,

and I look at myself and I feel rather drab by comparison.

But then, I look at such a woman and ask myself, "Would she be an asset or a liability during a zombie apocalypse?"

Suddenly, I don't feel quite so bad.  

Sometimes, I look at those men --

You know the ones I'm talking about, those men who slobber and pant after those beautiful women with their straight white teeth, hair that is never out of place, fashionable clothes, and perfectly manicured nails,

and I think to myself, "In a zombie apocalypse, Brother, you are screwed." 

And I grab my bow and go shoot a few rounds.

Then I just sit back and smile, and I realize

It's good to be me.