Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Customer Service

A couple of years ago, I started using a site called Picapp.  It was really cool.  They hosted thousands of photos that you could link to on your blog or website.  I used it a lot-- mostly for my football posts.

Earlier this year, I went to the site to get a photo for a post, only to discover that they no longer support some sites, like Blogger and Wordpress.  We could no longer search for photos, or post them to our sites, but they assured us that old photo links would remain hot.  I was a little aggravated that they hadn't made an announcement or anything, but OK.  I'd go back to using Flickr or Webshots.  Not such a big deal.   Still, they assured us that the photos previously placed on blogs would stay.

But a few weeks later, I noticed that some photos were disappearing from old posts.  I tried re-installing the code, but no dice.  Confused, I went to the Picapp site to try to see what was up.  After several minutes of searching the help site and tech support, I finally submitted a help request.  It took them three days to get back to me. 

Basically, what they said was that despite their reassurances to the contrary, old photos would NOT remain on our sites.  So, I've got bunches of old posts that will no longer have appropriate photos. 

Even worse, there was no notice.  No "You've got X number of days to make other arrangements".  No nothing.  Just a bunch of disappearing photos.

That's what I call poor customer service.  Very poor.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Some Gave All


"It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.
Rather we should thank God that such men lived."

--George S. Patton, Jr.


Sunday, May 29, 2011

And Clue 3

of Wendy's Summer Mystery Shawlette is done.


Once I finished this clue, I tried to pick the AMS shawl back up, but the mojo seems to have deserted me. So, I did what I naturally do in these situations.

I cast on a hat.


The yarn is Cherry Tree Hill Supersocke in Cherry Chip. The pattern is my own. One of these days, I'm going to get this blame pattern figured out, then I will make it available. I'm thinking of submitting it to Knit Picks for their IDP (Independent Designer's Program). If they don't accept it, then it'll be on the blog for free.

I don't see why they wouldn't accept it, though. It seems they accept almost anything you knit with their yarn. I was looking through the latest catalog, and one of the patterns was nothing more than a basic stocking hat with three buttons sewn on it. Another one was almost exactly like the Coronet pattern on Knitty, and a third was the Waving Lace Stole I got from House Of White Birches years and years ago. They just made it a little wider and called it a blanket.

Anyway, back to my hat...it's the same pattern I've been working on, only this time I'm doing it in sock weight yarn.   You essentially do it the same way, only you cast on more stitches.  I'll still have to make sure the decreases work out,  but you get the idea.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Storms n' Stuff

We had another round of storms go through last night.  They hit here around 10ish and it didn't take long for us to lose power.  Of course, no power means no air conditioning, so it was too hot to sleep.

I did doze off eventually, and the power did come back on eventually.  By that time, I was so soaked with sweat that I was too cold to sleep.  I finally drifted back off, but I was so tired that I was afraid I'd sleep through the alarm.  Which means, I woke up every 10 minutes to check the time.

When I did get up and go to work, I was just beat.  However, thanks to the help of liberal amounts of peanut butter cookies and chocolate milk, I did recover enough energy to finish clue 2 of the AMS.


Just in time for clue 3 of Wendy's Summer Mystery Shawlette to come out. And I've still got clue 3 of the AMS to do, too.

Good thing we've got a long weekend coming up.  I'm going to need it.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Where's The Aid?


 A few weeks ago, a storm system hit Mississippi, Alabama, and Georgia.  It spawned a record 150+ tornadoes, caused billions of dollars in damage, and left more than 300 people dead. 

Sunday night, a tornado hit Joplin, MO. It caused billions of dollars in damage, and left 116 people dead.  It is the deadliest single tornado in 60 years

Tonight, even as I type this, another massive storm system is sweeping across the plains, spawning tornadoes, causing billions of dollars in damage, and unfortunately, will probably leave dozens--if not hundreds-- of people dead. 

Whenever any type of disaster strikes anywhere in the world--whether it be tsunamis in Southeast Asia, or earthquakes in Japan, Haiti, or Chile--the United States is always there to help.  We are always the first to rush in with aid, supplies, clean up crews, drinking water.  You name it, we send it.  And we're glad to do so.  We're America.  It's what we do. 

Yet, where, I'm wondering, is the foreign aid sent to help us?  Were are all the countries rushing in to help us?  Where is the aid, the supplies, the clean up crews, the drinking water? 

But, you may argue, they probably think we're rich enough that we don't need their help.  True, maybe we don't need their help, but still...

When you take over food following a funeral, you don't send it based on whether you think the bereaved family can afford to feed itself or not.  You do it to show you care.  To provide that oh, so necessary human touch in their time of grief. 

I have yet to hear of a single country reaching out to show us that they care.  To provide that oh, so necessary human touch in our time of grief.  I guess they don't care about us until they need something.  Then they'll be looking at us with their hands held out, expecting us to do something.  Expecting us to help. 

And we will.  Because we're America. 

It's what we do. 



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Monday, May 23, 2011

Monday Miscellany

Funny how at work I can think of all these things I want to blog about, but when I get home and sit down at the computer, I can't remember a single one of them.

Yeah, that's my life.

They've cut out all of our overtime at work.  That means, no more 4:15 mornings for me!  At least not for a couple of days, until they decide that yes, the brazers really do need to come in early.

Former Group Leader Rod has really had a rough couple of days.  He came in this morning and asked me how my weekend was.  I said it was OK, then asked him how his weekend was.  He said, "You don't want to know."  Then he walked around all day with those up and down wrinkles in his forehead --those are the bad kind-- so I'm making him some peanut butter cookies.


Those ought to make his world a little brighter. 

I made myself some liver and onions for supper.


Liver is one of those things I'd never had until I got grown.  My mother didn't make it.  She didn't make sausage gravy or tomato sandwiches, either.  What was she thinking? 

You know, I've tried all the tips and tricks for chopping onions without crying.  You name it, I've tried it.  None of them work for me.  I've just given up on that one.  I guess my eyes are just really sensitive. 

Speaking of, I made the Worlds Best Breakfast Casserole for them at work that last Friday when I was off.  They've been asking me all week when I was going to bring breakfast again.  I guess I'll have to get around to that soon.

But enough about food...



Here's a little something about me I'll bet you didn't know.  I've never been a big jewelry person.  But that's something you probably did know.  The part you probably didn't know is that I love anklets.



I always have.   Having something around my ankle makes me feel almost...um...sexy.  So does wearing cutoff blue jeans, but we won't go there...


When I was in the Navy, I had quite the little side business going.  I made friendship bracelets out of DMC cross stitch/embroidery thread.  Most people wore them on their wrists.  I wore mine on --you guessed it-- my ankles. 


I'm up to 434 books on my Kindle, and so far, I've paid a total of $2.07.  I wasn't sure if they would do it, but yes they did.  Amazon actually charged my credit card  $.01.  Yep, that is one penny. 

Right now, I'm reading Right Ho, Jeeves, by P.G. Wodehouse.


I got another knitting commission going.  A friend of mine has her own yarn dying business and she wants samples knit of the yarn, so's people can see kind of what it will look like worked up, and the different things you can do with such yarns.  She sells sock and lace weight yarn.  I volunteered to make, um, yeah...a hat.  Betcha didn't see that one coming, did you?

One last thing before I go: 

The World's Best Breakfast Casserole

2 cans crescent rolls
1 lb ground sausage (your choice of flavors)
1 8 oz pkg cream cheese

Preheat oven to 375'.  Line the bottom of a baking dish with one can of the crescent rolls.  Bake 5-7 minutes, or until they just begin turning brown.  Meanwhile, brown the ground sausage and drain the grease.  Melt the cream cheese into the sausage and stir until well blended.  Put into baking dish and top with the other can of crescent rolls.  Bake 15 or so minutes until the rolls are well browned.

Try not to eat it all at once. 

.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Not EnRaptured Just Yet

So, the Rapture didn't occur yesterday, and people who don't know what they are talking about are crowing about how Biblical prophecy has failed.  They could not be more wrong.  Biblical prophecy has not failed.  One slightly unhinged man's wild guess has failed --again.  One cannot declare the Bible to be wrong based on the demented actions of one human kook. 

You see, people tend to want to judge God based on the actions of men, and you just cannot do that.  Any true Christan would have been able to refute Harold Camping's latest prediction in about ten seconds.  And in one sentence...

If the Son doesn't even know, what makes you think you do?  

Harold Camping has deceived millions, and has hardened the hearts of many, all for worldly gain.  He has reportedly made millions of dollars off his phony predictions, and has probably turned millions away from the true path to salvation.  And he will one day stand in judgment and have to account for every one of those souls. 

In the meantime, life goes on, and in my life, that includes knitting.

Wendy posted her second clue to the Summer Mystery Shawlette:


Only 12 rows, it went pretty quickly.  The next clue is supposed to have 72 rows.  The good news is, it will be released right before a holiday weekend, and the rows get shorter as you go. 

That's the nice thing about knitting from the bottom up. 

Saturday, May 21, 2011

I Have Returned

I've been battling insomnia for the last several nights.  I take melatonin supplements, which on normal nights help, but these last few nights, they haven't so much.  So, last night, after two nights in a row of only 3 or so hours of sleep, last night I broke out the big guns.  Yes, you guess it.  I took

The Green Elixer of Death.

And slept 12 hours.  I feel sooo much better today. I have returned to the land of the living.

And in doing so, I was able to make significant progress on the 2011 AMS shawl:


This is through row 79, which is about halfway through clue 2.  As you can see, I've gotten far enough along that I've felt the need to place the first lifeline.  The problem I'm having with this one is that the yarn is so light and so fine, I can't see it.  I have to take my glasses off and hold the shawl up close to be able to see what I'm doing.  Which means I can't see the TV, or the Kindle, or even the pattern.  I definitely need new glasses!

I also finished clue 1 of Wendy's Summer Mystery Shawlette:


This obviously isn't the whole thing, just a section close up so you can see the pattern. Clue 2 comes out tomorrow, since the world didn't in fact end today.

.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Walking Zombie

In case you didn't know, May is Zombie Awareness Month.

For some unexplained reason, my body thought I needed to know what it feels like to be a zombie.  To accomplish this, it woke my up at 2:30 AM and would not let me go back to sleep.

Therefore, I've been a walking zombie all day.

That is all.

Thank you.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

It's A Mystery

So, we're still plodding along on the Anniversary Mystery Shawl 2011.  I'm not quite halfway through clue 2. 


Of course, I knew from the beginning that I likely wouldn't be able to keep up with those who don't, like have, you know jobs or anything, so I'm not worried about being behind.

Yet, I noticed that many of my friends were going to knit Wendy's Summer Mystery Shawlette.  I hadn't planned on doing that one, since I've got an almost shocking number of WIPs already.  But after seeing all their posts on FB, and the photos to go along with said posts, I joined the rest of the lemmings and jumped right off of that cliff.


The yarn I'm using is Cherry Tree Hill Sockittome Select in Caribou Creek.  That's just the cast on row.  Don't worry about those stitch markers.  They're just to help me keep count of how many stitches I'd cast on.  After doing this, however, I ran into a slight snag.  I only have one set of size 5 needle tips, and here they are:



This is the 2010 Anniversary Mystery Shawl, which I still haven't finished.  And being that I was in the middle of a round, I had to finish at least that one round so I could swap out the needle tips to continue knitting Wendy's Mystery Shawlette. 

Which I have done, but since I've only gotten two rows knit, it doesn't yet look much different from the above photo.

In the meantime, to keep me sane in the midst of all this mystery, I still have a waiting hat lurking in the background, ready to offer the comfort of mindless stitching. 

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

What Was That Again?

Yesterday morning, as I was leaving for work, I had this nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. I went through my mental checklist...

Lunch--check
House keys--check
Phone--check
Purse--check

As I got to work, and was walking across the parking lot, I still had this nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. I went through my mental checklist...

Tool bag--check
ID Badge--check
Pocket money--check
Coffee--check

As I got to my work station and was setting up for the day, Vanessa asked if I'd turned on the gas. I knew I was forgetting something! That must have been it!

Later, along about 8:00, I began getting hungry. I reached into my lunch bag to get my breakfast. It was then that I discovered what it was that I'd forgotten.

Today, as I was leaving for work, I made sure I had my breakfast. I checked, double checked, and triple checked.

Breakfast--check!

It was only after I'd gotten to work that I discovered

I'd forgotten my coffee.

.Coffee

Monday, May 16, 2011

Music Monday

In loving memory of my nephew Nathaniel Russell Gunstream, who was born 9 years ago yesterday. Unfortunately, this is the only photo I have left of him.



Sunday, May 15, 2011

One Of Those Days

It was one of those mornings.  I woke up, looked at the clock, and thought, "I really need to get out of bed."

Next thing I know, I was waking up, looking at the clock, and it was an hour later, and I was thinking, "I really need to get out of bed."

Next thing I know...well, you get the idea.  Needless to say, I did not make it to church this morning. I don't even have Nyquil to blame this time.  I guess I was just that tired.

Now, I don't intend to make a habit of it, but there is nothing wrong with worshiping from home--every once in a while.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

The Quadrifecta

Is that even a real word?

Before I begin, let me just say that after nearly 8 long and faithful years, it seems my Point & Shoot camera has finally decided to give up the ghost.  Thus, the photos are not the best quality, but I'm posting them anyway.  Let's take a moment of silence to remember the Kodak EasyShare that has been my near constant companion since 2003.

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Are we all done? Good. Now, back to the party...

My dad used to call those people The Weather Guessers, and he's got a point. See, my forecast said sunny and mid 70's, so I dressed for... well, for sunny and mid 70's. It never got sunny, nor did it get mid 70's. Thus, my first stop was to Wal-mart to see if they had a jacket or sweatshirt left somewhere in the store. I got lucky. I got this puppy on clearance.


It was marked down to $7, but when I got up to the register, the cashier took an additional 50% off. I ended up paying $3.50 for it.  And it's been worth every penny, too!

On to Hank's.

Laura was there first.  Hank was running a wee bit late, because her husband had taken her out for breakfast and got to jawing.  So, I invited Laura to come sit in the Jimmy so she wouldn't have to stand out in the cold wind.  See,  her husband had dropped her off and left her there on the sidewalk, standing, alone, in a strange town...ummm, OK, that's not really how it happened, but it makes for a more exciting story.  Anyway, I invited her to come sit with me in the Jimmy, and we got to know each other a bit before everyone else got there.

Soon after, Amy arrived, then Kat and the three musketeers plus one were together again! 


That's Amy, me, Laura, and Kat.  Unfortunately, Amy couldn't stay long, but she did bring me presents!  Woo hoo!

She had told me when she had gone down to the Spring Game that she had gotten me something, but I'd completely forgotten, so it really was a surprise.  And looky, Christmas ornaments!  


I really like this one.


On the way up there, I saw a man in a white truck with a couple of big ol' LSU decals on it.  He was wearing a purple shirt and hat.  I thought about Amy when I saw him, and told her about it.  She said, "Yeah, that was my husband!"

Amy had to leave, so then it was on to the serious business of visiting and knitting.  Here is a very dark Kat working on her sock.


I have a lighter picture, but she was making kind of a funny face, and somehow, I don't think she'd   want me posting it.

Here we have Laura making new friends.  This is Ann on the right.

 
She will be moving to Birmingham (I think that's where she said) soon, and was very excited to meet Laura.  She said, "Now, I'll have a friend in Alabama!" Because, you see, Laura is from Alabama. 


And this is Hank, the shop owner.  She's one cool chick, she is.


After we visited, and knit, and petted yarns, and talked, and laughed a great deal, we went out to lunch.  I apologized for taking them to Burger King, but they said, "No, no!  You're the one with allergies.  You eat what is safe for you."  What good friends I have!

I took them back and showed them that shopping place behind the Wal-mart, but the only place we stopped was JoAnn's.  I was going to get some new yarns for the blankie, but once we got in there, it seemed that I've already bought everything they have. Then it was back to Hank's to wait for Laura's husband to come pick her up.  He's got to teach Sunday School in the morning, and said Laura would have to drive so he could study the lesson.

We were very sorry to see her go, and hope she can come back sometime.

So, Kat and I were knitting and visiting with some of the local folks, when Hank came over and asked us, "Have any of you ever dyed before?"  I replied, "No, we're all still alive."  Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

*Sheesh*  Um, nevermind...

Anyway, she invited us to come watch her hand paint some yarn. 


Unfortunately, I didn't get a photo of the finished yarn. It was really pretty, though.

All good things must come to an end, as they say, and soon it was time for us to leave. We hugged, and clung to each other, and many bitter tears were shed at our parting. OK, not really, but we did threaten Hank that we would be back, and next time, we would bring MORE people with us.

I'll have a better P&S by then, too.

And finally, the moment you've all been waiting for:  what I bought!  I think I showed great restraint in only buying one hank of sock yarn.


This is Cherry Tree Hill Supersock in Burgundy, to knit a new pair of Baudelaires with. You may recall, I knit my first pair in Knit Picks Essential (now called Stroll) and they fuzzed so badly that you can't even make out the pattern any more.  So I want to knit a new pair.

Now, you didn't really think that was ALL the yarn I bought, did you?  Nope, my hat making kick continues, and here are 5 of the 6 balls of Cascade 220 Superwash I got to feed my need.


But wait? I said 6 balls, didn't I? So where is the sixth? Here it is, already being knit into a hat.


Yeah, you're feeling me, baby...

.

Friday, May 13, 2011

And Today's Post

Which will be brief, as I am about to head for bed. Got a big day tomorrow, and I can't wait!

So, the day I took off of work. Nothing to do. Could sleep as late as I wanted. What happens? I wake up at 4:30 anyway.

I took a shower, fixed breakfast for the folks at work, and knit this:


Well, not all of it, as I have been working on it for a while now, but I finished up chart D and E. I'm to the part now where I have to knit the same chart (F) until I get sick of knitting, then turn around and do it all over again. 

Later in the day, I dug out some old sewing patterns that I'd had stuffed in the bottom of a drawer. 



Some of them I'd bought, and some of them were given to me by one of Cody's old babysitters.  I'd made a few of these dresses, but right now I don't think I have a single one left! 

Then I downloaded, like 100 free books to my Kindle, so I'm off to read a bit before bed.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Finally!

Blogger is finally back up!  Now I get to post yesterday's post, and you can pretend you've already read it.

Ummm, now what was I going to post about?  I can't remember!

Not all of it anyway.  But I do remember a couple of things.

See, when I'd gone to Batesville last weekend, I was looking for a dress to wear to church Sundays.  Besides the work jeans, I mean.  I wanted to find a nice dress because all of mine are so old.

I think people have pretty much stopped making dresses any more.  I could only find one that was halfway decent.  So, I decided to sew my own.  I used to sew a lot, but kind of got away from it.  I found these two patterns at Wal-mart Friday.


OK, the scrubs aren't to wear to church. They are for work. The top is at least. Some people wear bottoms, too, but I like my jeans. The thing I like best about the scrub tops is the big pockets they have in them. The dress is for church.  I was very hesitant about buying it, because it has a halter top type of thing.  I don't feel entirely comfortable wearing sleeveless and open back clothes to church.  Yeah, I'm old fashioned, but I still believe women should be modest--especially at church. 

I almost didn't buy it, but then I decided I could knit a shrug or a capelet type thing to wear over it.  Plus, you never know when they're going to have the air conditioner set to Freeze Solid. 

Speaking of, I finished clue 1 of the AMS. Yes, finally.


Here is a close up of the stitch pattern:


Just in time for clue 2, which will have to wait because I'm going to SOUTHAVEN tomorrow! I will be sure and post a complete report when I get back.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

No Progress

on my Anniversary Mystery Shawl today. 

 
 That darn Amazon.com added like two hundred new free things to their kindle store.  I've been busy downloading, and downloading, and downloading. 



I haven't knit a stitch.

I didn't sleep well last night, either.  I woke up around 12:15.  The last time I looked at the clock, it said 12:55.  I lay awake a long time after that, but didn't look at the clock again.  I was afraid to. 

I finally fell asleep again, and dreamed that we had our Memphis Meetup, only no one showed up.  I woke up seriously bummed.  But I know it won't happen.  Amy will be there, as will Laura and Peggy. 

My co-worker Vanessa likes my stories.  I printed out The Ruby Pendant and Run Dee Run for her, plus one more I haven't posted yet.   I keep intending to, but I haven't gotten around to it.  Anyway, today she asked me when I was going to print out some more stories for her to read, so I came home and picked out a few old posts to print. 

She says she keeps them to read before she goes to bed. 

I'm honored. 

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

More Than You Ever Wanted To Know

First off, about yesterday.  Or the lack thereof...  I'd heard on the radio that last year was one of the worst years for allergy sufferers, and this year looks to be even worse.  So I was going to come home and write about that, and how my allergies are kicking my butt. 

But my allergies were kicking my butt, so it didn't get done.

So, today I am going to tell you that, although my allergies are still kicking my butt, I'm here to share with you something about myself that you probably will wish I'd kept to myself.  And what is that, you ask?  Well, I'll tell you...

I have striped feet.


And how did I get said striped feet?  From wearing these sandals while walking the dog. 


Yep.  That's how it happened.  But now that I've bought my Teva sandals, I'll be wearing them from now on. 


Soon, you will see a whole new pattern of stripes emerge.  I'll keep you updated.  Whether you want me to or not. 

You're welcome. 

Sunday, May 08, 2011

Two Thousand Words

I remember an old Peanuts cartoon from when I was a child.  In the cartoon, Sally was standing before her class at school.  She says, "I've heard it said that a picture is worth a thousand words.  Our assignment was to write a 2000 word essay."  Then she holds up her paper and says, "What we have here is a couple of pictures."  I don't quite remember how the comic strip ended, but I'm sure that that did not go over well with Sally's teacher.

The point of all this rambling is to tell you that in lieu of a 2000 word blog post, what I have here is a couple of pictures.


The carnation corsage my son brought to me in church for Mother's Day.  After church, he took me to lunch at Pizza Inn. He wanted to go to a place called No Way Jose, but I hadn't had time to research it, so we didn't go. 


And the 2011 Anniversary Mystery Shawl. I'm almost through with clue 1. I only have 10 more rows to go, but right now I'm torn. The lace is calling my name, but the bed is calling it even louder.

I think the bed is going to win this battle.  

Saturday, May 07, 2011

The Loot

We have this one conveyor at work, and it has a sharp edge on it where two sections don't quite line up right. I've pitched a big enough fit that they've finally fixed it, but not after I'd ripped holes in two of my pairs of jeans.

Because of this, I was down to two decent pairs of jeans, so I headed out to Batesville this morning to get some at the outlet mall. After driving all that way, the 2 minutes it took to get my new jeans seemed a bit brief, so I hung out and shopped a bit.  I went to the Wal-mart up there, to see if they had anything different from the one here (they didn't), and ran into a co-worker there.  He commented on the new work shirt I had in my buggy, and I said, "Yep, I drove all this way up here just to buy one shirt."

Well, he drove all that way to buy his Mama a Mother's Day card.

Not really, on either count.  He'd had to take his car up to the dealership up there, and was hanging out while they worked on it.    Now on to the loot...

OK, I didn't take pictures of my blue jeans, but I'm sure you all know what two pairs of blue jeans are gonna look like anyway.  But this is the rest of what I bought. 

I got Squeaky a new kitty toy, but she wasn't too thrilled with it.

"You don't seriously expect me to play with that thing, do you?"


I got some new Teva Sandals to wear when I'm walking the dog.  I had a pair of these years ago, and flat out wore them out.  I've been wanting another pair ever since. 


I found some boots very similar to the ones I'd been wanting, and they were half the price, too.


I need to wear boots or high top shoes to work, because I've developed the bad habit of standing on the sides of my feet.  Plus, they're just cool. Boots, are, I mean.  Not my feet. 

After I left the outlet mall, I went to Wal-mart, where I found this yarn.  I don't remember seeing this colorway here, so I picked up enough to do a hat and matching scarf. 


Yes, it is Red Heart, and no I don't have a problem knitting with Red Heart.  I kind of like it, in fact.

I have no idea where these came from or how they got into my buggy.  Um, moving right along...


I ended up putting the work shirt back.  It was a simple scrub top, but the thing is, I've kind of been getting the urge to break out the ol' sewing machine again.  I haven't sewn anything in ages, but I used to really enjoy it. I know I've still got tons of patterns, and there's a pattern for scrubs in our Wal-mart. So, I'm going to sew me some.

But first, I've got to get a table. Yes, I've been in this house for what 4, 5 years now, and still don't have a kitchen table.   I have good intentions, but you know what they say about good intentions.  I really do need to get a table, though.

Squeaky says, "I'm still not going to play with this thing,"

Friday, May 06, 2011

Sports

If you've read my blog for longer than a week, you know without a doubt that my favorite sport is football. But have you ever wondered which sports I just don't like? Well, the suspense is over my friend. Without further delay, I present to you:

Sports I Just Cannot Get Into

1. Topping the list is Golf. Yeah, I've had about a gazillion people tell me, "If only you would play it." Maybe so, but watching golf on TV has got to be the most boring thing in the world.

"Oh, look! The ball is going up!"
"Oh look! The ball is coming down!"
"Oh look! The ball is lying on the grass!"

Well, here's some action--people are walking! Oh WOW! That really gets the old heart a-racing. ZZZZZZ....

2. Hockey--I know I'm going to stir up some controversy with this one, but I've never been able to get into hockey. I've tried and tried and tried to watch it, and can only come to the conclusion that people watch hockey for the fights. If you ask a long time hockey fan what the greatest moments in hockey history are, 9 times out of 10, he'll show you a fight. If I want to watch a fight, I'll just watch boxing. Which segues nicely into my next sport I can't get into:

3. Boxing--Now boxing can be exciting, but after about 3 rounds it gets really old really fast. Forty five minutes of watching grown men dancing around in their underwear just isn't my cuppa tea. Show me a highlight reel and I'll be happy. Speaking of highlights...

4. Car Racing--Not to be confused with drag racing, which I like. No, what I just can't sit and watch is cars driving in circles for 500 miles. Call me when they get to the last lap.

5. Curling--Does this really classify as a sport anyway? After about 10 minutes, it's my hair that's curling. Or straightening. Or being pulled out. Or something...

6. Cricket--This game is as incomprehensible to me as are the reasons it was named after a bug.

So there you have it.  Six sports I just cannot get into.  Now, there are others, like soccer and basketball, that I can watch, but don't like as much.   But these are the ones I'd rather have a root canal than be forced to sit through. 

Still, there is only one sport that I live and breathe.  I follow the old adage, "Baseball may be America's pastime, but football is America's passion".

Or as I was informed recently, "England has royalty.  America has football."

Eh, royalty.  Who needs it?

*Hat tip to Daniel.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

An Open Letter To An Illegal Alien

Dear Illegal Alien,

It has come to my attention that you are demanding that we turn over certain parts of the United States to you, since it is your claim that we "stole" the land from you in the first place.  We will discuss the hypocrisy of that statement at a later date. 

See, here is the thing, New Mexico and Arizona were bought and paid for ($15 million, Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, 1848; $10 million, Gadsden purchase, 1854 ).  We have a receipt.  So you are not getting them back.  Perhaps you think the deal was unfair.  If that is the case, you shouldn't have agreed to it, but you did.  The contract is binding, so we're keeping them. 

You're not getting Texas back either.  Texas fought for, and won her independence, just as Mexico won her independence from Spain.  After 11 years as an independent republic, Texas voluntarily joined the Untied States.  There was no war.  There was no conquest.  It was a mutual decision benefiting both parties. Funny thing is, Texas did not want to leave Mexico at the time.  She just wanted the Mexican government to honor the treaty of 1824, which it would not do.  So you have only yourselves to blame for that one. Even so, if you were to insist that Texas be returned to you, it is only fair that you return the whole of Mexico to Spain.  What's good for the goose, well, you know.

That pretty much leaves you with Southern California, which, face it, we don't really want anyway.  We will be happy to turn that back over to you, but there are a few things you should be aware of.  First, if we do return Southern California to Mexico, it would no longer be a part of the United States of America, and as such, there will be a few things you will be required to forfeit.

In addition to any Constitutional rights you may imagine yourself to have, and the freedoms that come from living in a Constitutional Republic such as the United States, you will no longer receive the following.

1.  Your monthly welfare check--heretofore funded by the American taxpayer
2.  Your food stamps--heretofore funded by the American taxpayer
3.  Your low rent housing--heretofore subsidized by the American taxpayer
4.  Your government vehicle allowance--heretofore subsidized by the American taxpayer
5.  Your free public education--heretofore provided to your children by the American taxpayer
6.  Your free health care--heretofore funded by the American citizen, who has to pay increasing health care costs to cover your lack of payment.
7.  The under the table jobs, upon which you pay no taxes, provided to the few of you who actually bother to work by American capitalists. 

So, there you have it.  Enjoy your life in North Mexico, and don't even think about crossing our border again.  You see, since your President Calderone has criticized our immigration laws, we've decided to dispense with them.  In their place, we will be adopting new laws very similar to your own country of Mexico's immigration laws, which as you well know, are much stricter, and will allow us to shoot you on sight. 

But look on the bright side.  We will let you have Ahnold.

Sincerely,

An American Citizen

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Whiskers On Wednesday

A Cat Gone Crazy


See, this is what happens to you when you eat dog food.

I do not eat goggie food! How gauche.

Then why are you waiting by the dog's food bowl?


Ummmm, no comment.


I'm pleading the 5th.

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